[Discover how to trust the universe to help make parenting easier. Learn processes to help you lean into the universe and know fully that they universe has your back.]
Hi, Beautiful Mama.
It's no secret that mom life isn't easy.
But what if it didn't have to be so hard?
What if you knew that everything is working for you and that you could trust in the universe and lean into the support and infinite wisdom that's available to you.
Today on the Soul Care Mom Podcast, I'm joined by Murielle Fellous as she shares how she has found joy in motherhood and life by co-parenting with and trusting in the universe.
The simple yet powerful processes in this episode will help you to let go of what you can't control and lean into love.
Let's get started!
Hi, Murielle. Thanks so much for being here.
Thank you for having me. I'm very excited.
We were just chatting about your children. You have a 16 year old, an 18 year old and a 23 year old, and I would love to hear more about your parenting journey. Could you share a bit about that with us?
Yes, of course. So, you're going to hear I'm from France originally. But I settled in the United States about 20 years ago. And I ended up having to raise my kids alone for the past, about 14 years as a single mom.
And everything was okay until, I mean, it's always challenging, but I was managing. I had the impression that I was in control of everything. And when they hit teenagehood, especially the last two, that's when everything changed because from feeling that I was in control and managing everything, I realized that we don't really control anyone and especially not teenagers.
So, some of my kids started to act out in ways that could have been potentially very, very dangerous and self destructive. And I started slowly, slowly spiraling into negative emotions and finding myself into depression, without even realizing it.
Because at the time I was coaching on dating. And I've been coaching people for a long time. And I always have been a pretty positive person and I did not see it coming. I could remember waking up at night with scenarios of horror in my mind. Like, you know, the worst case scenario.
And I was so stressed by the fear that something could happen to them. And I couldn't control that. And they wouldn't necessarily listen to me completely because they're teenagers and they don't have impulse control at this age and they feel invincible. It was very difficult.
I was also facing some, a health challenges. So I was more tired than usual. And I found myself wishing that I would just disappear because I didn't feel that I had what it took to manage all that. I didn't feel that I could protect them.
And it really lasted a few months until I realized that I was depressed and I was in depression. And I accepted that that's what was going on. So at that point, a friend of mine told me to go see a doctor and get some antidepressants. And I refused.
I said, listen, “I'm a coach. I'm going to try to use the tools that I actually teaching other women to bounce back from that.” Because what happened is that I also fell out of my regular practices. I was so stressed. I am someone who absorb all the emotions of people around me, the energy around me.
And if I don't meditate daily, I'm in trouble. And I had stopped this daily practice of meditation and journaling and affirmations. And it really ended up costing me a lot because I found myself in a place where I felt powerless.
So I decided to apply my own process. And it's funny how life works with us, the universe works with us. When you make a decision, you're going to be presented with all the tools and your awareness to be able to follow up. Follow up on that decision and to really act on what you just intend.
And I remember waking up with night in tears because I realized that I didn't like my life. And to me, that's something that I knew for a long time already, but I could not admit that to myself because I had such a judgment about that since I was a mother and my kids were healthy and everything was quote unquote fine. I didn't feel that I had the right to not love my life.
So in a way, if I said that I didn't love my life it meant that I didn't really love my kids.
Because what mother who has kids who are perfectly well, happy, and healthy would say that she didn't love her life. So, that night I woke up and I saw the paradox.
Because sometimes we can carry paradoxes inside of us on one side, not loving that, but on the other side, loving my kids. And when I let myself see and accept that it was already the beginning of healing.
The next stage was to become really re aware in the moment of all the thoughts that did not serve me like those thoughts of what's going to happen to them. It's going to be horrible. I had to learn to intervene on these thoughts. And I was forced. I already trusted life, but not enough.
And I was forced to go fully into trusting that the same infinite intelligence that guided me and helped me every time I asked for a solution or anything that I needed was really given to me, even if it was in a form of go and learn that, get a teacher or, or exercise more, eat better.
It was always given to me as guidance. I had to accept that that guidance that I was receiving was also available for them. And accept that I could not protect them 100%, but there was something else protecting them.
And I even went very, very deep into it with the fact that if, God forbid in this life, if I was meant to lose a child. Then there was nothing I could do. So I might as well focus on the moment and really being in trust that everything would be okay and not deal with stuff that would never happen.
And that's how I went back to being myself. And that has been so painful that I decided to switch the direction of my business from mainly coaching women on dating, to coaching single moms, because I knew the pain. I know how it feels to feel confused, to feel powerless, to feel afraid, guilty, and you know, all those nasty emotions.
I mean, they're necessary, but bathing into them is unhealthy. And it drags you to wild depression or indirection of the bottom. So that's my story. Short version of my story.
It's Time to Trust the Universe, Mama
Oh yes. So that was one thing that got me really excited for our chat today was the way you described trusting in the universe and co-parenting with the universe.
Could you explain what you mean when you say trusting in the universe or co-parenting with the universe?
Yes. My belief is that we are energy. We are, you can call it soul a soul in a body, and we eat, have access to that. And we are linked to a connected to the universe, to God, to a field of infinite love and infinite intelligence. The problem is that, first of all, if we don't know it, we can't really harvest the fruits of that guidance and that wisdom.
And second, if you are in an emotional state that is hectic, like fear, guilt, confusion, powerlessness, all those very intense negative emotions will activate a stress response in your body and you won't be able to really be centered and clear and access that guidance.
So the first stage for me is really to try to when a negative emotion arises, understand the message behind that emotion. Because for example, anger, when you experience anger very often, that means that a boundary was crossed either your own boundary that you put with yourself or a boundary that you put with someone else who decided to cross.
So take notice of that, and start really thinking about what you can do better so that it doesn't happen again. And once you, you take notice, you get the message, you process that emotion, move out of that state.
And for that I use, I don't know if you're familiar with, the emotional freedom technique tapping. Yes. So I use a lot of tapping both in my life and with my clients to let this emotion flow in your body and out. And once you are more centered, you can ask the universe for guidance.
You can ask the universe for solutions, and it helps you because society is going to impose on us it's views its fears, it's models of how things should be. And sometimes it works for our kids. But I have, for example, an ADHD son who doesn't fit in that rigid model.
And you have to trust and see the individuality of each kid and use that to guide yourself in your decision making. So you are accessing something that's higher than what you've been taught, where people show you what we see on TV. Something higher, and really customize it to the spiritual being that you have in front of you, who's your kid.
And guide them and put the rails for them to be protected and to really express their individuality in the world. That's how I kind of describe it.
How to Surrender to the Universe
Oh, that's beautiful. I love all that you're sharing about that. It's challenging as a parent to not try to control your child. And to let them be their own person.
It's hard. When am I very favorite quotes is Albert Einstein's when he said “The most important decision we make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.” And when I let that sink in for me as a mom and as just as a person, and I decided to lean in and trust that there's a greater plan. And that, you know, the only person that I can control is myself.
Things are working for me and for my family. And when I can see that a burden was lifted, you know. And I was able to be more present and playful with my kids and not worry so much about everything else.
Yes, completely. And, and I was taught with like kicks in the rear because, I had my daughter who stopped going to school in her senior year. Because there was some social issues while there was some problems with other kids and she just decided to not go to school.
And the school didn't contact me through email and she blocked the school number on my phone. I didn't know. So I had two months go by and I didn't know that she was not going to school because I left for work in the morning, the school is at a walking distance and she was supposed to walk and go every day. I never knew she was not going until he got to a point where I actually was contacted by the school by email. And I realized that she wasn't going to school.
I had to transfer her to an online school and really find an online school in like the span of two, three weeks for her to be able to catch up on everything. It was half online and half at the school. For her to catch up all her credits and be able to graduate. So it's not something that's, you know, society would tell you, they have to go in a high school and stay there.
So I had to adapt. I had to trust. I had to be able to support her, even though I didn't agree. But I saw that it was the best for her. And that's why I think most of the things I've learned in my life, maybe not most, but a lot of difficult things I learned through kicks in the rear, because I had to adapt and figure out solutions.
Yes. Going into some of the most challenging parts of our lives is we can go in with that idea of there's a gift in here somewhere that, you know, it's meant for us to grow in some way. It helps.
It does help, even when you can't see it in the moment, because sometimes in the moment you're still triggered and, and emotional. But when you look at it a little bit after once you come back to your center, you realize that it had a purpose and something else was to emerge of it.
Yes. So my oldest is eight years old. So I have yet to experience the teenage years, you know, you hear about the hard parts, and I would love to hear your wisdom there, but I'd also love to know what are some of the things you treasure about raising teenagers and young adults?
What I loved about when I see my kids wisdom, through what they say or what they are interested by, or like I was a coach for a very long time, so my kids grew up with coaching and they grew up with energy tools and all that stuff. And this seemed pretty resistant to it.
And one day I was listening to my oldest, talk to her friend and she didn't know, I could hear. And I realized that she, she was coaching her was the same thing that she was pretending not to want to listen. But I heard her say things that I've been telling them for such a long time. So I was like, “yes!”
And, another feeling when she turned 17, they had to prepare a project in class about the American dream and success. And she picked me. And I was like, “You see me as a success? I'm not a millionaire.”
And she said, “Mom, you came in a country as an immigrant with barely anything. And you divorced and you are raising us by yourself.” And I started developing my business on the side of my main job for a long time. And she told me, “And you still follow your dreams. So to meet an inspiration, you inspire me.”
Of course, I started crying. Because as a mom, your hair, something like that, it's like, so heartwarming. So things like that. I'm trying to think because there are so many things I love taking road trips with them and they make me discover music that I wouldn't necessarily listen to.
Of course no cursing and all that, because I don't like it. But new style of music send new artists. All the things that they really discover themselves and share with me. And when the love is there, like for Mother's Day now my kids cook because I'm French.
So we cooked her out at home and they picked up on it, especially my middle daughter. So for mother's day, they prepare a breakfast for me. And all those moments where, when we share love and I can see the beauty of who they are becoming. I love that.
Oh, those are all wonderful gifts. There's so many challenges as a mom, but there's so many gifts too.
Yeah. But the challenges like you said, they make you grow. And when we remove the junk that we carry in our mind about how things should be. First of all, there is a sentence that I removed from my vocabulary. And it is, “It shouldn't be that way.”
Because it can be such, it couldn't magnify the challenge when you think things like that. And really when you think about it, nothing should, or shouldn't be aware another it just is. And when we start selecting more constructive state of minds and more supportive thoughts, it becomes easier. Even within the challenges with the teens.
Yes. Saying that “it shouldn't be that way” adds resistance to what's right in front of us, which makes it harder.
Yeah. Yes, it does.
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The Universe Has Your Back
If there's a mom listening right now and she's ready to trust the universe and co-parent with the universe, what can she do to start making that shift?
First of all, to reinforce even that faith, you can go back into your path and see every time in life. When you received something from life that you did not expect. Whether it be a solution you're meeting a person. I had in my life, several jobs, follow my lap. Things where life just gave to you without you even having to really put a bigger thought into it.
Or things that the solutions were delivered because you asked. So take note notes of that. And then start working with your emotional state. Learn more emotional mastery.
Learn to navigate your emotions, where you get the message. Let's say you're angry. Be angry, be angry, right? I, I do a lot of times with my clients when they are mad at someone, I have them write a letter about that. And of course not mail it.
We shred it. After that, let all this emotion flow from you to the paper or take, um, a kitchen towel and slap a wall, be living the emotion in your body, because anything you're going to repress will be in your way later to be centered and connecting.
And the third thing is to connect into silence into prayer. Whatever your version of prayer is.
A few minutes of silence every day. And during the day, you know, I have on my phone reminders to breathe. Breathe, and come back to the moment because we lose ourselves. Life is so fast.
We lose ourselves spiritually, as moms with our, to do lists with everything we have to do. And we forget, we forget to be present because to get guidance, to really become aware of it, you have to be present. So cultivate presence and silence to get in a vibration. Energy for me is like an elevator.
So if you want to be matched with solutions, you were talking about Albert Einstein. He also said, and I'm going to paraphrase that “you can't find a solution at the same level as the problem”. So make an intentional action or practice to vibrate at the level of the solution.
Which is not worry. Which is not fear. It is more like a surrender. It is more like trust. I have moms take a note pad and write down a list of anything that can shift them back to peace to love.
Because when you are activated, when you are afraid, your frontal cortex, the brain in the front of your head doesn't function, normally because the blood flow is directed toward your limbs. So it's called the flight fight and flight reaction it's even fight, flight, or freeze.
So your stress center in your brain is activated and your nervous system is on alert. And you can't be resourceful in that time. So you have to find ways. And whether it is tapping, I use tapping a lot. And people can find information about that. Or breathing deep from your nose and then follow up with an action. Like for me, gardening.
Gardening centers me. It can be dancing. Belly dancing is amazing. It puts you in a feminine energy. It can be drawing. It can be singing. It can be calling a friend. Whatever is bringing you back to your center. Keep a list of that. Because in those moments where your brain doesn't function, normally you can refer to that list and say,
Oh, yes, here, I'm going to pick that. And today I'm going to do that because sometimes you don't feel like dancing. You feel like writing. You feel like slapping a wall, like I was saying. Have a list for you to readjust your trajectory to realign yourself.
Those are great tips. And you mentioned using energy. Um, could you talk a bit more about that and how you would use energy in your parenting?
So you know how teenagers sometimes don't want to hear your advice. There is a phase where they think you don't know anything. And sometimes it makes us very irritated, but they don't want our help. And in a way it's a good thing, because that means they're becoming independent. We did our job. And they're starting to become more independent from you. When you have a kid like this, and I've done that with my son. He didn't want my help.
I saw that he was struggling with something. With some of his friends, didn't want to tell me what it was. You go sit down, put her hand on your heart and really connect to the energy of your kid. And the more, the most simple thing to do is to send love because then it will be received.
I have in my membership, some tapping sessions where you connect with the energy of your child, and you literally have the intention to tap on their triggers, their irritation through your body and your energy and the practices like this, have a huge impact.
The other thing that, I just did an episode in my, podcasts about for mother's day. Accessing the higher guidance of your ancestors and your guides to help you raise your kids.
And you can go to a place that is safe in your mind. Create your own sanctuary, where your guides and your ancestors and anything you believe in. Some people believe in angels. Some people believe in other things. Where they can visit you and bring you guidance, and also bring you love.
Because sometimes moms give, give, give, give, and they don't receive enough. So learning to receive that way, those are the two practices or solutions that I use myself on a regular basis.
I love that. And I did listen to your mother's day episode. It was so beautiful. I highly recommend it. So my mom was a single mom, and so I don't know the challenges first-hand, but I witnessed some of the struggles that she faced. And I imagine that being a single mom can, you know, have added pressure and some unique challenges and may make finding time for yourself difficult.
Do you have any tips you can share for bringing self care into your days as a single mom?
Yes, breathing. I mentioned that you can do that anywhere anytime. And moms always telling me I don't have time to send love to myself. So, you know, when you put your lotion on your body, then just do it more consciously with when your hand is going, let's say on your arm and rubbing that lotion in send love to your body. Send love to your cells.
Because our cells are responsive to love. And thank your arm and your hand for everything it does for you. Same thing with your legs. You can do that for every part of your body. Practicing gratitude, without really adding anything in your schedule, if you don't have time.
But adding just the intention. Another thing is when you throw something away, let's say you throw a piece of furniture, or you give some clothes away, affirm that you let go, if you give it away to a new organization or charity, affirm that who whoever is supposed to benefit from that will get it.
And “I am creating space in my life for new gifts, from life, for new to come in my life for me to be even happier than I am.” So things like that don't add anything to your schedule, but the intention as you know, energy responds to intention. You will draw people and things in your life that way. And you will receive the love with the body lotion. Your cells will benefit from that.
Yes, I totally agree with that. It doesn't always have to take extra time. It doesn't have to look like going to the spa to get your self care. It can be intention and being in the moment with whatever you're doing, that brings love to you. I love those ideas.
Those are beautiful.
I would love to know what is one of your favorite ways to practice self care?
Meditation. I love meditating. It's like a candy for my soul. And when I feel that, because as a single mom, like I mentioned, you may not have the love available to you when you need it. So what I love doing is, is sitting when I go into my meditation or even not meditation sitting quietly on the chair and opening your heart and asking the universe to feel your heart with love.
And when you start doing that, you will feel, you will feel love coming to you. Another thing that I do is I love nature. So I make sure that I'm connected to nature on a regular basis, even if it's only in my own backyard and walking barefoot in the grass and connecting to the trees, listening to the birds. Making sure in the morning, before I start my day that I meditate and I do affirmations in writing.
Or I sit quietly in the backyard, listening to the birds. Very simple things like that. That helped me stay sane, you know, in a crazy life.
Yeah. It's our nature is such a powerful way to, to reconnect with yourself.
Oh, thank you for everything you've shared. Are there any last thoughts you'd like to share with us?
The thing that I want to tell moms is be gentle with yourself. Try to not criticize yourself. We are doing. And even if you make mistakes, we are all always doing the best with what we know in the moment. Because I spent a lot of time criticizing and bullying myself really in the past.
And this is not necessary. The, you are going to become the best mom that you can be by practicing self love and accepting who you are fully. Because when you do that, even if you have moments of like your kids will see you, we come from a Mediterranean background, so our tone can arise really fast.
When your kids see that you're making an effort to remove that from your life. And even if that happens, sometimes you're okay with who you are it gives them permission to be who they are with their own flaws. And that's extremely important.
Yes, so it's not only a gift you're giving yourself, but the next generation and there's a ripple effect there too, right?
Oh, that was so lovely. Will you share with us where we can find you online?
Yes. You can find me at singlemomsdoingitall.com and I have everything there. I have freebies for moms. I have my podcast. I have member a membership, everything. They can connect with me just to ask a question.
No pressure at all. I always try to help moms wherever I can. And, they'll find my Facebook too. I'm under your French life coach or a Facebook group called Single and Doing It All. You can find me with that.
Oh, perfect. I love your beautiful spirit and thank you for sharing your insights and wisdom with us today.
My pleasure. Thank you for having me here. I thank you. You have such a beautiful, gentle energy by the way.
Oh, thank you.
Thanks for joining me, Mama. I'm every year, giving you a big virtual hug. I love spending this time with you. You're amazing for showing up and carving out this space to nourish your soul. If you're loving the Soul Care Mom Podcast, be sure to subscribe and leave a review.
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