[Are you ready to yell less, Mama? Here’s how to stop yelling at your kids so you can be the mom you want to be!]
Yelling can end up being this vicious cycle of upset, followed by guilt and then doing it all over again. And that’s not a good feeling. Right?
So today we are talking all about how you can yell less and be more of the mom that you want to be. So let’s dive in.
[Disclaimer: We are not health professionals. This information is solely based on research and personal experience. If you have any concerns please seek out the help of your trusted health professionals.]
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How to Stop Yelling
Let’s talk about what happens right before we get upset, and yell. There are thoughts that are happening before you get to the point of yelling.
The first thing to do is to start becoming aware of the thoughts that are leading to your upset moment. There’s almost always fear that’s layered underneath the upset.
So maybe you feel like your child is in danger. If so, then action is certainly called for.
But often it’s more of a fear of what others will think. How much child action will reflect on how I’m seen as a mom. Some sort of fear of judgment.
Our thoughts can end up spiraling quickly. So notice if this happens to you.
So it could be that your child is coloring outside of the lines. Or maybe they can’t seem to get a certain math concept. And then that leads to, well, they’re not going to fit in. They’re going to be behind all the other kids their age. They’re never going to get into a university. Then they won’t be successful at life. And in this might even come back to you. Right? This might circle back around to your fear of feeling like you failed as a parent.
And that all started from that one little thought or that one little thing that your child did. Right? None of that is reality. But our minds go so quickly from point A to point Z.
So it’s good to be aware of what you’re thinking and then start to be curious and question your thoughts to this thought cycle can also happen with things other than mom life, too.
So, for example, the other day my cell phone was acting funny and so I decided to restart it.
But when I went to turn it back on, it didn’t seem to want to turn back on. I tried a few times and I could hear my mind starting to spiral, as the anxiety set in. I was beginning to think, “Oh no, what if my phone is broken and I can’t start it again? I wouldn’t even be able to Google how to fix my phone because they can’t turn my phone on and because my phone can’t turn on how am I going to do any of the things that I rely on my phone for? And how will I even get to the store to fix my phone if I can’t access my GPS?”
So my brain just started going a mile a minute before there was even something really wrong. It was maybe five seconds in between trying to restart my phone and then being able to actually restart my phone.
So the thing to remember here is that your mind is always trying to keep you safe. It’s not bad that you have thoughts. Your mind is just doing its job.
But it’s up to you to bring awareness to what’s useful in this information and what’s not.
So next, let’s talk about emotional triggers.
What are emotional triggers?
Different people are triggered by different things.
Emotional Triggers Examples
For example, one mom might get upset when her house is a mess, whereas messes don’t bother another mom at all, right?
Or maybe kids yelling and running through the house stresses one mom out. But noise is just an acceptable part of life for another mom.
None of these are right or wrong. Just noticing when you get triggered and what’s triggering you allows you to get curious.
There’s usually some healing that needs to happen there any time you notice a trigger and healing is something that you need to take time for and allow yourself grace with.
So be gentle with yourself as you go through the healing process.
How Self Care Can Help You Stop Yelling at Your Kids
But if you have ever noticed that sometimes you can handle the mess, the loud noise, and anything else, mom, life throws your way, and other times you feel like it’s just too much and you might explode.
This is where self care comes in.
These really big reactions are your way of sending a message to yourself that something is off. That there is a need that hasn’t been met and that it’s time to take care of you. So listen to these messages, tune in to see what you need. And as you do this, you’ll find your more resilient. You’re more able to take the different things that mom life and life in general, throw your way.
I know you’re a busy mom and I know it can be hard to fit yourself into your day. And there may even be guilt around taking time for yourself.
But do your best to bring more of you into your day consistently and prioritize your self care and lean into love. This will help you to fill your cup so you aren’t always running on empty.
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