[Discover how to protect your mind and finally find mental and emotional peace as a mother. Dive into strategies and insights tailored for moms seeking tranquility amidst the chaos.]
If you struggle with the mental load of motherhood, this episode of the Soul Care Mom podcast is for you. During this beautiful conversation, I chat with Toye Penny, wife, mother, luxury wellbeing strategist, author and creator of the Love You More method. And we dive into all things, self care and how to protect your mind and truly protect your mental and emotional peace. You are not going to Want to miss this episode. Get cozy and settle in for this empowering conversation.
[Disclaimer: The information shared is from personal experiences and/or research. We’re not medical professionals. We share in hopes that it will help you tap into new insights and inspire you. Everything shared is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for medical advice. Always seek the guidance of a trusted health professional for your unique journey.]
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Hi There, Soulful Mama.
Welcome to the Soul Care Mom podcast. I’m Catherine Wilde of soulcaremom.com.
I’m a mom of three amazing kids, a soul care mom coach, and a yoga and meditation teacher. I’ve helped hundreds of women, and I’m here to help you feel calm and find your unshakeable confidence as a mom.
If you’re ready to stop living in survival mode and you’re ready to drop the mom guilt and overwhelm, this podcast is for you.
Think of this as a lunch date with a girlfriend. Grab a cup of tea and get cozy. It’s time to get honest and vulnerable and shift the traditional mindset around motherhood. Be sure to subscribe to be the first to know when new episodes are released. Get ready to grow and feel empowered as a mom. I’m here for you, mama. Let’s get started.
Hi, Toye. Thank you so much for joining me today.
Hi, Catherine. Thank you so much for having me. I’m really excited to be here.
Protecting Your Peace As A Mom
Yeah, I love your energy. When we connected, I love that we were both passionate about helping women infuse their lives with self care. I
knew it’d be so empowering, our conversation. I love that you help women put their oxygen masks on. I’m excited to dive into protecting our minds, protecting our mental and emotional peace.
But first, I would love to hear a little bit about your journey and how you came to help women with self care, something we’re all looking for more of, right? Trying to find time for ourselves, protecting our emotional and mental energy.
Right. Once again, thank you so much for having me. I actually have women move beyond self care. It’s a whole beyond self care transformation that we have going on. But hello, everyone. My name is Toye Penny and I am a luxury wellbeing strategist for celebrity and high performing CEO moms.
I help them put their oxygen mask on first so they can save everyone else around them. How I do this is I created a method called the love you more method, and I exclusively guide them through this method.
Now, this method is a luxury self development wellbeing program and is specifically designed for either the celebrity or the 6 to 8 figure woman who is leading in her industry while also raising children at home.
And it’s so that she can reduce mental load, drop the functioning addiction cycle, prevent the risk of a health breakdown, and model well being for generations to come. So I’m after the generations and I go through this woman to get to the next generation. So very briefly, my story is just really all tied into the brand. But I had a lot of childhood trauma growing up.
One of the things was my mother passed away of lupus when I was about nine years old. I didn’t know my father until I was about 18 years old. I didn’t meet my father until I was about 18. So basically, I was an orphan. Now, I was raised by several different relatives until I ended up with my grandmother at the age of 13.
But by 13, I ended up being sexually abused by a boss of mine that I worked my first job. Then by 16, I became a teenage mom, having her week into my 17th birthday. I knew that I wanted to up level and vibe for my daughter. I just didn’t know how that was going to look. And as a matter of fact, I remember giving birth to my daughter, this young teenager, one week into her 17th birthday.
I remember holding her, giving birth to her and holding her in my arms and saying, It’s just me and you. I looked down at her and she was looking at me and I said, It’s just me and you. And I said, I won’t disappoint. And from there, something just lifted out of me and I just took off.
And so I was really deeply encouraged and motivated to finish school and to do what I had to do, and I wanted to work the job. I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t know what I was going to do. But all I knew is I had to provide and set the example for this daughter. So long story short, I end up graduating high school at 18. She was about one years old then. I walked across stage and it was so exciting to see her in the audience with my grandmother.
I went off to massage therapy school. I wanted to be a makeup artist, but the family said you have… I wanted to fly off to LA and be a makeup artist, but the family said, You have to stay here because you had a baby and all of this stuff. I stayed here. I went off to massage therapy school. I got hired immediately at this high end luxury day spa.
So this introduced me to the whole luxury world. I’m 19, I’m working at this company, this luxury high end luxury day spa. I moved out of my grandmother’s house at 19, got my first apartment, first brand new ride.
I’m working there for about two and a half years when the owner came to me and asked me if I wanted to buy the place. I’m like, Wait, what? You want me to do what? I knew a thought inside, I knew that this is my ticket out.
I was like, Yes. What I did was I bought her services with a couple of clients who were attorneys. They represented me in the sale. The next thing you know, I was 23 years old, CEO and owner of a high end luxury day spa. This is an eight figure company. I had 15 employees and I was a single mom.
I had no idea what I was doing, but I made it work. I’m running this company successfully. Like, you all, we want it for nothing. I’m financially flexible.
My daughter and I want for nothing. We travel the world. I built my first home from the ground up at the age of 24. We just didn’t want for nothing. We was living the life. But here’s where I noticed where the downfall happened. I began to develop this façade of I have it all together in my career.
How To Protect Your Mind
Simultaneously, things on the back end were falling apart. When I say things on the back end were falling apart, I mean, I had little to no relationship with my daughter. Why? Because I had no time for her. We ate out basically every single day.
My mental load was all over the place. My wellbeing was falling apart. As you know, I had some unresolved childhood trauma, and my complete identity was wrapped up and hid behind this brand and this company to where nothing else mattered but making more money.
That’s all that mattered to me, making more money and generating more sales. And so I then went back to that moment where I delivered my daughter at 17 years old. And I said, I will not disappoint.
From there, I was like, Oh, my gosh, I am disappointing. Not only am I disappointing, I’m modeling this same behavior before my daughter.
And I knew that at that moment that something had to change. And so I started looking for schools. I don’t know how I ended up at the school, but it was a lifestyle nutrition school. I enrolled there. I was there for about two and a half years.
Tapping Into Spiritual Peace & Following Your Intuition
I learned that your lifestyle, your food, all of that was directly connected. So that’s one of the things that really stood out to me. I went back to my life and I realized that all of the childhood trauma that I had had, I had never dealt with.
They were unresolved. What happened was it was started to show up and manifest in my actions as a CEO, as a mom, and as an individual. It was preventing me from getting to the next level of leadership.
But not only that, I was modeling the same behavior before my daughter. I knew, Oh, my gosh, that was my lifeblood moment. I started doing the research and I realized that if I was going through this problem, that a lot of other women and mothers were going through this problem.
Ceo moms, quote unquote, were going through this problem as well. Long story short, I ended up doing my own self development work and I started to really trying to heal all of the voids and the trauma that I had had and I faced in my childhood. I end up attracting this young man from the US Virgin Islands of St. Thomas. He took me there for my birthday. We was dating. He took me to St. Thomas.
And on the plane ride back, God whispered in my ear and said, Sell your business. And so I’m like, Sell my business? By this time I’m seven years in and I’m like, Okay, I’m going to sell my business. So I stepped out of faith. I had a broker.
The broker found this lovely husband and wife couple. The next thing you know, I’m signing on the dotted line. Cash is in my bank account and I’m out the door. So I immediately get married to this young man from the US Virgin Island, St. Thomas. I start ToyePenny.com.
We get pregnant with one baby girl and then another baby girl. At that moment, I’m running ToyPenny.com. I’m a newlywed. I’m pregnant with one baby girl. I’m breastfeeding the next. My oldest daughter was 13 at that time.
I remember my oldest daughter starting to act out like a teenager. Clients, I’m dealing with them and all their stuff. I’m trying to be there for the husband, trying to grow one in my room, trying to breastfeed another.
I remember breaking down and that trauma started to show up again and just everything started to break down. Then I went to my knees, went to my room and I said, How do I maintain myself, yet maintain everyone else around me?
The word that came to me was clear as day. When you are whole and complete within yourself, everything else falls into place. This light bulb moment again came together, and I started creating this method called the Love You More method.
I knew that, like I said, I did this research and I put over a 1,000 hours of research, and I knew that if I was going through this, somebody else was going through it as well. So I started putting together this luxury self development wellbeing program made for these celebrities and these high end women who are also mothers so that they can model wellbeing for generations to come. So I know that that was a lot, but girl, that was my story.
Thank you for sharing that. There was a lot of that I didn’t know already. Thank you for your honesty and thank you. Something that came up for me as you were speaking was that striving to be successful, to have more, to make more.
It’s all such a beautiful thing, but it doesn’t bring us our happiness. So often, whether it’s in business or in motherhood, when we’re striving to be seen in a certain way, have our kids act a certain way, whatever it is we’re trying to prove to the outside world that when we get there, even if we get there, it’s not where our happiness lies.
It’s so important to remember. Such an incredible and inspiring journey. Thank you for sharing it so authentically.
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What Is Inner Peace Of Mind?
And yeah, so as women, as mothers, there’s so much information being thrown at us. So many things we feel we need to be that we should be.
Whether it’s social media, our friends, even our own family. The mental load of motherhood can be so overwhelming, so overstimulating. And we have a lot to process. And it can affect our mental health. So what tips do you have to help us to protect your mind, to really protect and restore our mental and emotional peace on this journey?
Right. I always say the first one is I think during this time more than ever, as you see, we have mental health, like it’s on the rise. We have suicides on the rise. We have addiction on the rise. We have cancers. All of this stuff is just on the rise.
Literally, we are in a crisis right now. Literally. It’s been this way, but it is really starting to show itself right now. I think more than ever, we really need to protect and I always say garden our inner. Garden our inner. Because if we look at ourselves as gardeners and our inner, so we say garden our inner.
And when I say inner, I mean your inner being, your mind, your soul, your will, all of these things we need to protect. And so when I say garden, I mean things like we need to protect what goes in our minds, what we see, what goes in our mouths, what goes in our ears, those things we need to protect. A lot of us are not protecting these things. So when we are watching these shows or when we’re listening to something or when we’re in that environment, guess what?
We are taking that in. We are absorbing that. Our minds are absorbing that, and therefore we’re putting that out. So what goes in must come out. So just say you’re on your way to work and you’re listening to a podcast, a podcast interview, and the woman is spewing hate about maybe some political thing or something. She’s spewing hate.
And this is something that you do on a daily basis. So guess what you’re going to do? You’re going to spew hate. You’re going to go to Starbucks and maybe the Starbucks lady had an attitude and now you’re spewing hate or now you’re upset because she didn’t get your coffee out in two seconds.
And like she said, she would. Or maybe little Timmy spilt his chocolate milk and now you’re cursing out little Timmy or you’re yelling, or something because of something that went inside of you. And so we must garden our inners.
And at times when we’re not garden our inners, maybe you fell off one day. It’s okay because we’re all human and we do fall off. Some of the things that we may watch or listen to, we have a choice. We have a choice to either download it or pull it out.
So we have to choose. And if you download it, then that’s what is downloaded in your soul. And that’s what’s going to… Not only in your soul, in your mind, in your will, in your emotions, basically. It’s all connected.
So if you’re downloading that, like I said, what goes in is going to come out. Not only that, I’m going to take it a bit further. I’m going to go a little bit deeper. This is what you’re modeling before the kids. You think they don’t know, but they know.
You think they don’t know how you’re speaking to the phone with the cell phone representative, but they are paying attention. You think they don’t know how you’re speaking to your husband, but they are paying attention.
You think they don’t know how you’re talking to your clients, but they’re paying attention. This is what they’re picking up and this is what they are now doing in their life as well.
So it’s really sneaky. It’s really sneaky. I always say when you answer the call, because every assignment, every job, everything that you have, whether it’s your career, whether it’s a husband, whether it’s your kids, whatever, it’s an assignment.
What Is Inner Peace Of Mind?
It’s an assignment. We don’t look at it as the assignment. A lot of us say, that little saying, I understood the assignment. So if you understand the assignment, the assignment is like, you are assigned to this child.
You are assigned to this husband. You are assigned to yourself. You are assigned to this calling. You are assigned. When we look at it as an assignment, we will then monitor and garden our inners more than ever. I know that was a long answer.
No, I love so much of that. I’m loving this so much. So, yeah, I mean, when we watch things when we put in, you’re so right. We don’t always necessarily, we’re not aware of it, right? That’s just a story. I knew that that was just a story.
But you’re still programming yourself. You’re still taking all of it in. And yeah, definitely. I love that so much. For me, like, motherhood, the messages I got growing up, the shows I watched, it was more of the child needs to be seen and not heard. And it was this struggle and battle between the parents and the children. And I had to undo that and reprogram myself, realize that I don’t have to live that way.
That’s not how I have to communicate with them. That we can have a more connected and loving experience. And so yes, no, whatever situation you might be going through. That you can change it. You can show up differently. And what you’re putting in is such a big part of that. And the people you surround yourself with, the podcast, the shows, all the things. Who are you following on social media? Make sure your is really uplifting. Yeah.
So it’s real sneaky. It’s real sneaky and it sneaks up. And so, like I said, we must garden. That’s an every day test. Every day you must garden. You must garden every day.
How To Feel Peace Of Mind
Pulling the weeds, right?
Pulling the weeds every day. You must be plucking. You must be garden every single day. I tell my little ones, now I have three daughters. My oldest is now 23. Oh, my gosh. My youngest two are are seven and four. I always explain to them that your mind is your superpower. It’s your superpower. God gave the elephant his size.
He gave the lion his roar, but he gave us our mind. So we’re able to think and we’re able to reason and we’re able to protect it. You must protect it at all times because that is your superpower.
And if anything gets in the way of your superpower, this is when the suicides happen. This is when the depression happens. This is when the addictions happen. The identity issues happen because you are not gardening your inner.
Yeah. It can feel overwhelming at first when we’re not conscious of what we’re putting in, right? Or what we’re gardening. I love that you say that it’s a superpower because it really is a very empowering thing to have the choice, right?
That you get to choose and you can change. That you might be living in default, but that you don’t have to.
That you can be empowered and change. Yeah, such a beautiful message. Definitely our superpower. When we have the addiction and all those things, there’s that discrepancy. We’re not following our soul’s calling.
We’re not like you were saying, right? We’re here for a purpose and our assignment. When we’re not doing that, that’s when things feel really off, right?
Yeah. In your parenting, in your wifeing, in whatever it is. Yes, you’re out of alignment. You’re out of alignment. I do want to say my next one is address unresolved trauma. We definitely have to do that because it will show up. It will manifest.
It’s going to manifest in your parenting. It’s going to manifest in you as you being a spouse, as a CEO, as an individual, it’s going to show up. It may be something simple as sending an email.
Maybe you had rejection growing up and later on as an adult now you’re sending emails or whatever and someone denies you for something and now you feel all sad inside because you were rejected as a child. Now you feel rejected.
Now you start taking it out on them. It’s just just the whole it’s all connected. So we must resolve this unresolved childhood trauma. And something like death.
A lot of people are grieving at this point. Something like death. My mother died when I was nine. You never get over that. But at the same time, it’s like I still live with it. I can still move on. I can still be happy. I can still encourage others.
I can still have joy and peace within my heart. For one, I garden my inner, of course. I could still have that. Now, you never ou never get over that hole of losing your mother. But like I said, you could still move on. So we must address the unresolved childhood trauma because in whatever areas of your life, it will definitely show up. It will definitely show up.
Maybe you had some anger issues. I’m just using it for example. Maybe your husband beats you or whatever and reminds you of when your dad beat you or whatever.
And then your children are paying attention to this. So now the anger comes out. It comes out if they get an F on their report card or whatever, it comes out. It’s going to show up. We must heal and resolve the trauma.
Yeah, for sure. The amazing thing about life is that it’s going to find ways to bring it up for us. In motherhood, a lot of our triggers, our buttons are pushed.
And so it comes down to whether or not we go looking for it. So yeah. It probably comes up. If you’re paying attention, for sure. If you’re taking attention, you’ll notice and you’ll be able to say, Oh, what is happening for me right now? How can I tune in here? What do I need? What is going on? Yeah.
Why am I acting this way? Yeah. What’s happening for me? Something is up. Yeah. So you definitely have to check in with yourself. And that’s key, really checking in and being aware that this is going on.
Why am I… Maybe you didn’t make enough sales that week or whatever, and now you’re at home yelling at your kids. And so what we’re angry at or what we’re yelling at is not really the issue. You know what I’m saying? It’s something else.
Right, under the surface.
Exactly. It’s something else. It may not be because we didn’t make the sales, or it may not be because little Timmy spilled his chocolate milk, but it’s because we didn’t make the sales, whatever it is. Like I said, we definitely have to address that and heal that.
Then my next one is run towards the storm. We definitely need to run towards the storm. We are often referred to as eagles. Eagles, if you study an eagle, I always looked at Eagle and studied them. But if you study them, they fly high, they fly very high. And if they run into another bird, it’s another Eagle. It’s not a chicken or it’s not anything else. It’s another Eagle. So they fly high.
One of the things about an Eagle is they run through the storm. When a storm comes, when the clouds are here and it’s raining really hard, they run through the storm. Other birds run the opposite direction because they want to hide from it. And a lot of times we as adult individuals, we run from the storm. We run from it. Whether it’s here we go again with the trauma, whether it’s talking to your kids about sex or whatever it is, we run from it.
And then because we run from it, we’re not able to address it. And then here comes the addictions, here comes the gambling, here comes the overspending or whatever it is that you have, the overeating, all of those things, the drugs, the popping pills.
And it’s because you are running away from something. You are running away from that storm. So always run through the storm, run to the storm so that we can address it and we can heal from it, and then you can move on.
Absolutely. Yeah. I think you’re so right. We shy away from discomfort. We don’t want to be uncomfortable. And so we run the other direction.
But one of the really beautiful links to remember, like with your analogy, I love that because the storm doesn’t last forever. It lasts for a short period and there could be a rainbow on the other end. So when we go through it, that’s where the growth happens.
Exactly on the opposite side. So we have to run through it, and that’s super important. Then I want to say the very last one, my very last tip is, and this is just people like, Oh, my gosh, I should have known that.
But my last one is heat and alignment. This is a huge one. And I spoke about being very busy and all of those things in my first company, and we ate out every single day, you all. Every single day.
Why? Because we didn’t have time.
There was no time. Everything is just quick, quick, quick, quick. We ate out every single day. So we want to make sure that we are eating in alignment with our bodies. The things that are not in alignment.
And when I say eating in alignment, I teach my clients to everyone, just like your fingerprint has a different gut microbiome. And so your fingerprint, there’s no one fingerprint the same, same as your gut microbiome.
So if you are eating things that are not in alignment with you and your body, this is slowly taking you away from your purpose and your calling, your children, and whatever your assignments, all of your assignments.
It is slowly taking you away. And for example, for me, it’s chicken. People say, Oh, my gosh, chicken. For me, it’s chicken. I stopped eating chicken probably about five years ago after I discovered that it is not an alignment.
I’m highly sensitive. When I say garden your inner, that first tip, this is one of your inner. One of your mouth is how it gets to your inner. When I’m eating out of alignment, chicken was one of them.
It was slowly killing me and creating inflammation. This is how the cancers happened, the diabetes, all of these things. Like I said, it’s on a rise and all of these diseases are on a rise.
Now, you must understand, I lost my mother at a young age, so I know exactly what it’s like for children to grow up without their mother. So whether it’s through disease, whether it’s through addiction, you lose your mother, you don’t want to lose your mother. You don’t.
Like I said, you don’t want to lose your mother. Your mother is there’s no one on this earth that will replace your mother. And so if you are eating out of alignment, it’s not if it’s when, it’s when.
A lot of people go and I heard this story where this lady, she had four kids, she had colon cancer, and it’s just like it snuck up on me. It didn’t sneak up. It didn’t sneak up. It was happening this whole time. She was busy in her life and she wasn’t paying attention. She was out of alignment. Now she has to say goodbye to her children.
Now she has to say goodbye to her assignments. We must eat in alignment, and this is crucial. All of these are crucial because it all goes hand in hand. This is why I created the Love You More method because it’s eight elements in the Love You More method and it all goes hand in hand. It all works together. Please eat in alignment.
One of the ways I can say is eating in alignment. In the Love You More method, I provide a food sensitivity test, a gut health test, a sleep test, a blood type test, because not only do I want to know, but it’s you.
You need to know. You need to know these things. You need to know what you’re highly sensitive to that you’re eating every day that’s slowly taking you away from your assignment.
You need to know your sleep habits. You need to know your blood type so that we can align workouts and whatever to your body. You need to know all of these things. You need to know what foods that you’re sensitive to.
You need to know what’s lying dormant in your gut. Maybe it’s depression that’s in your gut. You’re depressed up here, but you’re also depressed in your gut as well. So eat in alignment.
You’re so right. It is all connected. So often we give our power away. We look to, like, what diet do I need to follow? And even if you do choose to follow a diet, how can you make that fit for your life? What feels good from that for you? Up to what you need. I love that.
Yes. Those are my tips for you all. I really hope that you not only listen, but you apply them. You apply them into your life.
I love that. You have been on this incredible journey, and it f you could go back in time and share a bit of wisdom with your younger self, knowing all that you’ve known that you know now, what would you tell her?
Wow. I would definitely tell her to make herself a priority. And When she does, everything else will fall into place. Her relationships, her wellbeing, everything falls into place. Everything. yeah. And so often we don’t.
We don’t prioritize. We don’t. When I say prioritize yourself, I mean really doing the work because like I said, if this determines… A lot of relationships are ending and divorces and all this determines who you will marry.
This will determine how happy you are. This will determine who you have kids with. It will determine a lot if you are just connected to yourself first. It will determine a whole lot and it will reduce all of the issues that you have going on that we currently have going on in this world right now. It will completely reduce it.
Yeah. No, you’re absolutely right. We say, well, I don’t have time for myself and my kids need this. But when you do take time for yourself, when you prioritize that, when you protect your energy and your space and you nurture yourself and you do all these things in alignment, your whole outer world changes.
All of the things that you are wishing would be different, they transform and you don’t even have to try. It’s just this effortless flow and it all starts with us.
It all starts with you. Thank you.
Yes. thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, your story, all of your tips with us. Can you tell us where we can find you online?
Sure. I’m everywhere. ToyePenny.com is my website. I do have a book out called Love Them, Love You More. I am also an author. And so that’s on toyepenny.com or Barnes & Nobles, Books million target. That’s there.
And then I do have the Love You More soirees that I host. And that’s where I privately invite between 8 to 12 women.
And we have a wonderful time. There’s a guest celebrity speaker, and we go through the transformational work. Then I invite you to work with me a little deeper in the Love You More method. So if you’re interested in the Love You More soirees, please reach out to me.
Or if you just want to contact and chat, I also have a CEO mom intervention chat where you can just connect and chat that way.
How fun. Thank you so much for sharing all that. I’ll put it in the show notes so people can find you and connect with you. Thank you again so much for your time and your wisdom.
Sure. Thank you so much for having me.
Thanks for joining me, mama. I’m over here smiling from ear to ear and giving you a big virtual hug. I love spending this time with you.
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Sending you so much love, Mama.
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I’m Catherine Wilde homeschool mama, yoga & meditation teacher, best selling author, and mom life coach. I believe you can feel calm and find your unshakable confidence as a mom, when you first care for yourself.
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